Sunday, January 8, 2012

well I suck at this apparently

Last year I had all these grandiose plans..    yeah, about them.. not so much with the execution part.

Oh sure I managed to pay off the student loan.. but that was about it.

will I be any better at it this year?    prolly not.  at least I am honest about it this time.  I cold give you all sorts of excuses, and you'll nod your head wisely and say you understand.

the truth of the matter is, I fell apart.  About, oh 8 months ago I had a breakdown/epiphany/revelation.   and NOT in a good way.  I should have gone to see a mental health professional.   I didn't.   the reasons why  don't really matter.   well they do, but I am not going to  give you my lame ass excuses( all of which had a reasonable counter argument as to why I could not do such and such a thing),

I have been doing this Navy Spouse thing for well over 15 years.   as I look back on the last 24 months of my life.. the first 13 years.. were NOTHING.  a cakewalk.   easy peasy.  didn't even work up a sweat.

 so what makes this last duty station so damned 'special'?  the choices we made.. consciously.

 we , DH and I , brought it upon ourselves and we suffered.. personally and professionally, because of it.   we tried to  convince ourselves that it was worth it,  that this was a good check in the box for his career progression, that we could visit each other every 6 months and that would be enough.

We were wrong.   does no good now  to say we coulda shoulda.   it's done.   in about  3 months ish, he will PCS and be back  here.  and then instead of having to learn to live apart, we have to learn to live together again.