well I suck at this apparently

Last year I had all these grandiose plans..    yeah, about them.. not so much with the execution part.

Oh sure I managed to pay off the student loan.. but that was about it.

will I be any better at it this year?    prolly not.  at least I am honest about it this time.  I cold give you all sorts of excuses, and you'll nod your head wisely and say you understand.

the truth of the matter is, I fell apart.  About, oh 8 months ago I had a breakdown/epiphany/revelation.   and NOT in a good way.  I should have gone to see a mental health professional.   I didn't.   the reasons why  don't really matter.   well they do, but I am not going to  give you my lame ass excuses( all of which had a reasonable counter argument as to why I could not do such and such a thing),

I have been doing this Navy Spouse thing for well over 15 years.   as I look back on the last 24 months of my life.. the first 13 years.. were NOTHING.  a cakewalk.   easy peasy.  didn't even work up a sweat.

 so what makes this last duty station so damned 'special'?  the choices we made.. consciously.

 we , DH and I , brought it upon ourselves and we suffered.. personally and professionally, because of it.   we tried to  convince ourselves that it was worth it,  that this was a good check in the box for his career progression, that we could visit each other every 6 months and that would be enough.

We were wrong.   does no good now  to say we coulda shoulda.   it's done.   in about  3 months ish, he will PCS and be back  here.  and then instead of having to learn to live apart, we have to learn to live together again.

More new toys

I am the proud owner of a Kindle Fire.

 Lots of people have been  going back and forth: tablet, smartphone, e reader,  Ipad?!  they each have their pros and cons.   I had a plain ole regular Kindle 3G that I used and loved  being  just a tad bit obsessive over reading.   we probably have 5 full size bookshelves in our house all with double rows on each shelf.   and that does NOT count all the books we have gotten rid of over the last 15 years.

 My goal was to A: stop buying hard copies of books as I had run out of room  ages ago  and B to eventually do to all digital format( or at least as much as I could considering many of my books are out of print now.  Imagine my joy when I found this entire mega library full of classics.. books I had forever longed to read or had read as a kid.. now available as freebies in the Kindle universe!   Doyle, Austen, Stoker, Shelley( Mary, not Percy) Poe.. all of my longtime favorites now available in one  fell swoop!

well with ONE teeny exception( yes I bought  the Twilight Companion Book in hard copy.   so sue me) I am proud to  claim full success on Goal A with me picking up eversions of Bourdain's many books( have always wanted to read Kitchen Confidential) as well as some new  ebooks written solely for  that format.   I have even grabbed a bunch for John to read since he is getting my old Kindle now that I have my new toy.

Goal B is muchly more ambitious and I confess to not trying very hard although  at some point a few of the ones in more battered condition will eventually be replaced.

Countdown:   in eleven very long days I will be on a plane to Okinawa for  2 weeks of Squidspoiling.   me being spoiled by the Squid.   not the other way around   THAT comes in May on the cruise Bwahahahaha Oh the things I have planned for him

get your minds out of the gutter.  we are in our 40s and old and get tired easily.  sheesh.

new toys...

I finally joined the 21st century.   got me a smart phone.    had planned on doing so in April when John returns anyway.  Apparently my old, plain, basic, flip phone had other plans.

started going haywire earlier in the week.   about every 90 seconds or so it would  reset itself like it had just been turned on despite having a full battery.

after some initial issues regarding the name the account was under( His) and the fact that  even though I was the one USING the phone I could not make any changes to the account as I was never added as an authorized person and a fight with the old one to stay functioning long enough to transfer my contact list I am now the proud owner of a Iphone 4 16 GB.   ( no 32 GB in stock although I highly doubt I will ever fill up the 16 GB anyway)

I am pleased and will spend the next few weeks playing with features like adding my Itunes playlist and a few apps.   yes I will DL angry birds.   just haven't decided if I will spring for the paid version yet.   wil hopefully be at least  proficient by the time the flight comes..... so I can bug everybody with real time FB updates in airport terminals....

Petition to retire October

Seriously.  next to February( which sucks on general principals for a variety of reasons) October is like..icky..in every way possible.

 gone are the pretty sunny days of September.   instead we get rain.  and not soft gentle rains of April and May but freezing sleety type rain that  makes your bones ache.

have to get up at 0600?   well in July and August you could at least  have the satisfaction that the sun was getting up with you.  now?   you need every light in the house turned on just so you don't trip  over the cat as you stumble into the shower.

Work til 1700?    no more  early evening walks on the beach before enjoying a nice dinner watching the sunset.   you can put away the sunglasses, pal,  cuz by the time you get outta the office  Apollo has left the sky and the chariot has already been scrubbed down for the night.

and whose bright idea was to have  a holiday that requires you to dress up and beg for candy just as the weather turns to crap in a handbasket?   when you need to fit a costume over a snowsuit,  something is wrong  okay?  and the solution?  really?! trick or treating at 3 pm?! what's the bloody point if you can't get the socks scared off you by  having to walk down creepily lighted streets?!

That's not the whole reason of course. and there are one or two redeeming qualities.   Today, for instance, we celebrate the US Navy's founding.  but overall.. yeah. October has got to go.

Good news, bad news and an oopsie

Good news: we have a  tentative date for John's return!

 Bad news: it's NOT in March   *wahhhh* his replacement is taking a couple weeks of leave before reporting so  he will will not be cut loose until April although he is pretty confident he can fly home that first Saturday in April .   hmm Must find a nice 17 month calendar  so I can circle that date in big  bright  orange marker...

the oopsie:  This is a PSA to all persons who make  payments on cruises  and other vacation packages online.   When you screw up entering the CC number,  Make sure your other fields do not reset


Otherwise, instead of putting a nice manageable $500 payment on your cruise in May, you pay it off.  completely.  Yes I probably could have called RCI and stayed on hold for three hours  and then begged for it to be  reversed.  then I'd have to wait until it showed up on my CC statement before going back and making another payment attempt.   this way was easier I can still pay it off and not have to  pay interest.

oh well that's 2 of 4  planned major expenses in the next 6 months already paid off.   and we won't be buying a car til April.   and I will start the Disney project in January when I get back.

Bonus: I bought/pre ordered a Kindle fire.   I have been waiting for them to come out with a color ereader for ages and this just has so many extra features that I may not need to  spring for a smart phone next spring after all.  John has already claimed the old Kindle and I have begun looking for ebooks that he likes to add to it.   hey I can get  $50 Amazon giftcards through  my CC rewards program.   and since I just put a $4000 cruise on the cc, I have enough to redeem several GCs heheheh

Cat Update: Marley seems to be channeling Keke.  there has been actual cuddling( although not of Monster levels) and she has taken to sleeping not on the dresser staring down at me all night, but actually at the foot of the bed curled up behind my legs.

Anniversaries and other milestones

First,  a Happy picture.   These are the flowers John  had delivered to me on Monday, which was our 13th anniversary...despite me saying 14 on FB.. I was counting our year engagement since the only thing that STOPPED us from being married sooner was the fact that.well.. umm.. he was still married to  somebody else.  Long story, won't bore you with details.   It is very frustrating to be told that  a delivery IS coming on such a such a date( as opposed to  waiting for say Brown to show with a box of stuff you ordered and 'think' may be coming.   but yes I waited all day.. LITERALLY all day.   they were not delivered until 4:45 pm.    The basket was supposed to have chrysanthemums.   unless I forget what they look like, I don't see any, do you?  I know I know every florist reserves the right to substitute if the desired flower isn't fresh or whatever...  Luckily my neighbor across the street kept me company while I fretted the afternoon away.  Alas her daughter left Scouting so where am I gonna get my Thin Mints from now?!  Arrggghhh.

This, is Keke.   Her name comes from the fact that A's youngest N couldn't actually say Kitty.   Unfortunately this was taken just before the vet stopped by to put her out of her misery.   I only wish I had taken more pictures of her in her short few months with me.   This was her favorite spot in the house, on the spare bed close to the window and where she spent her last moments.   Luckily you cannot really tell how emaciated she was at the end.   Still cannot go in that room.....butI need to get over that.   The luggage is in that closet and I have a plane to catch at the end of November.

 MAJOR shout out/words of praise for the Calvert Veterinary Clinic in Pasadena.  the night she was brought in for her tests we were there a good 2 hours past closing and they did nothing but reassure me they would NOT skimp on her care or force us out even when they suggested additional testing  past closing that was going to  take a good 30 minutes.   and when they called the next morning to confirm the diagnosis,  the first thing the  Doctor did was OFFER to come to my house to perform the euthanasia.   this, from  a man I had NEVER met and had never seen any of my cats, professionally or otherwise.    So Monday last, about 2ish he and one of the techs came by.   we had a long chat about what was going to happen, and then they let me say good bye alone.  all through it, she never stopped purring.   they prepped her and gave me one last hug/kiss before injecting the pink stuff.   10 seconds later, it was over.  Again, they let me sit with her a while before taking her away

The Rainbow Bridge has another Traveler.

Reflections on Tragedies

For my generation,  September 11th has the same  meaning as December 7th did to our Grandparents.  a Day of Infamy.  one of those dates that 30 years from now you will still recall with prefect clarity  where you were and what you were doing when you first heard the news.  History books will devote entire chapters to this day and all that happened.

for some, the loss is deeply personal.  For others, a general feeling of sorrow and pain.   it was one time where the entre planet was united in grief as it wasn't just American lives lost.  and then, we got angry.   a Righteous indignation that someone DARED to  commit such a heinous act on OUR land.. in OUR back yard.  it was unheard of, intolerable, and by golly we were not gonna stand for it.

The entire Nation rallied.  Military enlistments soared to unprecedented numbers rivaling those of WW2 in the days following the attack on Pearl Harbor.  Patriotic songs by the dozens were written and sung  by musicians everywhere across all genres.  Congress passed the Patriot Act (hell that was probably the last time both sides have agreed on anything since) .  Promises were made regarding Payback

Here we are ten years later.    Lots of headlines are asking: Are We Safer?  

who knows.   Osama bin Laden, the mastermind,  has met his Maker and is facing whatever judgement awaits him.    Saddam Hussein was tried, convicted, and hung by a jury of his own people The Taliban has lost most of its vast control network and has been reduced to a shell of its former  power base.  Fre elections have taken place and both Iraq and Afghanistan are recovering from the horrors of war..  The military, once begging for people , is now turning away new  recruits left and right and basically kicking  many already in out.

things ave changed, certainly.   anyone who has flown commercially in the last ten years knows that intimately.   it is our new reality.

 and yet, on this day, I can't seem to give a damn about any of it.   there are tragedies, and there are tragedies.  and right now my personal one   is more important to me.  I really could care less about  all the tributes and photo montages and  moments of silence.

Tomorrow, I have to  euthanize  one of my cats.   I have only had KeKe a few months, but that doesn't matter,  she became my Cuddle Monster  the first day.  she has been a member of my family  and I love her.  I will cry buckets  when she is gone and I am not ashamed to admit it

so you will forgive me if my facebook status doesn't  list one of the ten billion different versions of "Never Forget".   You will understand if I am not glued to CNN all day reliving the fall of Tower 2 or the dedication of a memorial in a Pennsylvania field.

some things.. are more important.